What Do We Mean By "Managing Mom?"

The title might be whimsical but the topic is serious. While we called this section "Managing Mom," make no mistake, we haven't forgotten about Dad. This section is meant to offer a bit of wisdom and advise about dealing with eldercare issues. For example, have you given any thought about how you will react if your parent is rushed to the hospital, or if you have to make a decision on their behalf in an emergency situation?

Something to Think About When in the Hospital Setting

Communicating effectively under stress is more than a little difficult when confronted with uncertainty and numerous questions. Being proactive and prepared will help to minimize the sense of helplessness and urgency. Have the proper legal documents when you are the caregiver and you want to ensure the type of care that is wanted and needed. The following list is from the National Family Caregivers Association publication, Take Care, Volume 10, #2; Summer 2001.

Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care
Advance Medical Directive
Do-Not-Resuscitate Order
The patient's medical history
A list of patient's allergies
A list of all physicians and consultant who are caring for the patient

We also recommend that you keep a list of the medications your parent is taking and a copy of their insurance card(s) -- i.e. Medicare, AARP, etc. -- in your wallet at all times. Having the information handy could speed care in an emergency.

Managing My Aging Parents, Grandparents, Partners, and Friends

There are several books on the market that provide guidance and tips for your journey with aging and caregiving. Three we suggest include: "Mamma Can't Remember Anymore" by Nancy Wexler (Partners Publishing Group, Tarzana, CA; 2001); "You and Your Aging Parent" by Barbara Silverstone and Helen Kandel Hyman (Pantheon Books, New York, 1989); and "Nobody's Baby Now - Reinventing Your Adult Relationship With Your Mother and Father" by Susan Newman, Ph.D. (Walker Books, New York, 2003)

Each has extraordinary tips and interesting stories that make the reading easy and comforting. Of particular note is Wexler's chapter entitled, "I've Got Those 'Placement Blues' A quick test on whether or not to place someone in your home includes the following categories:

• Health and Safety
• Family Considerations
• Time and Energy
• Emotional Considerations
• Situational Considerations